Wedding dress shopping. Fun, right? Store after store, dress after dress, styles and shades and appliqués. It's horrific. I knew it would be, though, so I wasn't terribly disappointed. Some girls love to shop, they love playing dress-up. These girls are probably the same ones who know exactly what kind of dress they want, down to the last detail, and are bubbling over with excitement to hunt it down. I'm not a shopper, never was. The very idea of going into a mall gives me the shivers - all those people milling around and dozens of stores who want to get into my pocketbook.
The worst part of shopping is that I am the pickiest person on the planet, as well as the most indecisive. Either I know exactly what I want (which means I have absolutely no chance of actually finding something satisfactory), or I have only a vague image of what I want (which means I have absolutely no chance of actually finding something satisfactory). As I have mentioned before, I was not one of those little girls who dreamed about her wedding, which has left me with almost no clue about the kind of dress I want. I know I want glamour that's not overly busy, but that's not much of a description. Especially since almost every consultant in every bridal shop everywhere describes pretty much all of their stock that way. And after I've finally found my dress, I'll have to pick the colour.
Say what?
No joke. As it turns out, wedding gowns aren't white. Usually. They are off-white, oyster, diamond white, ivory, champagne, bright white, natural white, insert-generic-pretty-sounding-word-here white. Sure, you can get regular white if you want it, but (from what I've seen on various wedding blogs and forums), women rarely do. Now, I have nothing against the various shades of white, or even the fact that there are names for them (even though they all look pretty much the same). And I'm certainly not suggesting that plain old white be the only option for dresses; I'll probably wear an off-white or ivory myself. But I do take issue with other people taking issue with the "colour" of a dress.
I saw an episode of a reality wedding show where the bride set out to buy herself a white dress and fell in love with an ivory dress. She hemmed and hawed and dragged her feet and wrung her hands about how she felt about not wearing white. Seriously. She eventually bought the dress, showed it to her mother, who then also spent quite a bit of time coming to terms with the fact that the dress was not white. I have also seen a similar debate on some of the above-mentioned online forums.
This is one of those (many) situations where I have to bite my tongue, lest my blunt, no-nonsense inner devil escape. These are times when I wish I could reach through the screen and violently shake people. White is white. Nobody is going to care (if they even notice) that the price tag on your dress said "ivory" instead of "white". Because ivory is a shade of white. In photos, they both look white. Is this really something you need to stress yourself about? Are you doing something wrong somehow by wearing a dress that isn't the brightest possible white?
Historically, people didn't wear white. They wore the best dress they could, in luxurious fabrics and colours, such as red and even black. The colour of purity (and virginity) was blue, not white. This "tradition" came into being when Queen Victoria wore a white dress and people scrambled to copy her, just the same as any fad accidentally started by a celebrity today. 170 years later, white is the way it's done, and apparently ivory just won't do. Who made this decision? And why were they allowed to insist that only one particular hue out of a large spectrum of colours is "appropriate" wedding attire? It's ludicrous. My fiancé told me today that he'd actually prefer me to wear something more Victorian. We picked a favourite out of a magazine and I've been calling around for a store who carries it. It's black.
If I've learned anything during this process, it's that brides need LESS to stress about, not MORE. Fewer details, that's the ticket. Caring what colour your dress is is the absolute pinnacle of typical bridal overkill, micromanagement, and creating issues to fuss over where none exist. Back away from the craziness. Get whatever shade suits you and your vision, and call it white. Hell, wear red. Be happy.
January 24, 2011
January 20, 2011
Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend
The next mindblow up to bat: people who "hate" diamonds. I use quotations because I'm pretty sure that most people who say they hate diamonds don't actually hate them, they hate what they cost and doing what's expected. Also, they probably hate that they don't have them. So they pretend that these hates are actually directed toward the stone itself, and that the reason they don't have one is because they didn't want it. They champion the cause of wearing alternate gemstones, they trumpet the benefits of moissanite and white sapphire, and won't ever admit that most of them only chose those stones because they look exactly like the diamonds they couldn't or wouldn't pay for. Not buying a diamond is apparently the best form of antiestablishmentarianism, and we all know that your wedding has to be unique, or it doesn't count. And what's more unique than NOT wearing a diamond engagement ring?
If you actually hate diamonds, good for you. That's thousands of dollars you'll never have to spend. If you don't give a rat's ass about diamonds either way, you just hate spending money, also good for you. If you chose an alternate stone because you wanted to or liked the look better, awesome. Blue sapphire and birthstones are perfectly acceptable, beautiful choices. Wear them proudly. Let people think your white topaz is a diamond if you want to, it's nobody's business anyway. This post is not for you. This post is for all those girls out there shouting about how much better those other stones are even though deep down they don't mean it - because when you say something loudly, it's more true. Seriously. Try it out. Think of something completely ridiculous, and then say it REALLY LOUDLY. Almost convinced yourself, didn't you?
My last post was about other brides. One of my biggest pet other-bride peeves is the diamond debate. You would be shocked to know how many girls out there are marching into online forums and telling other girls that their diamonds are worthless. Well of course diamonds are worthless. So is everything. Nothing anywhere has any intrinsic value. Even your effing toaster is worthless until you want toast. Things become valuable because people will pay for them, and that value goes up the more people want something that only a few people can have. Your house is worthless, but you can put a price on it because someone out there is willing to pay you $350,000 so that they can have three comfortable bedrooms and an ensuite master bath in that area. If everyone thought your house was ugly, or didn't want to live next to your 400-pound thong-wearing, suntanning neighbour, your house wouldn't be worth shit. That's reality. "Worth" is based on other people, and other people want diamonds.
Then, naturally, these freedom-fighters point out the fact that the reason those other people want those diamonds is based on the genius marketing and reputation of diamonds - but isn't that kind of my point? Diamond brokers want money. The way to get money is to make something desirable. You desire a diamond, they get money. Life is simpler than you think. Many people may not realize this, and think that diamonds have some inherent worth, and I guess that's fine. Lots of people don't know how cars work either, but that doesn't stop them from driving (unfortunately). Others, like myself, are completely aware of the diamond "scam" and just plain don't give a shit.
It's just so frustrating. Wedding planning, the money, the time, the commitment, the stress. And people are going "Omg why don't you have a ring?!" or "zomg spring colours at your fall wedding?!" or "*gasp* why is your ring so small/big/boring/flashy/made of wood?!" and other people who should know how that feels are going to come online and tell me that my fiancé and I wasted our money getting a diamond just because it's not technically "worth" anything? Jealous, jaded little girls shouldn't be stomping around with their noses in the air pretending that they aren't upset that I got diamonds and they got CZ. As though brides need anything else to stress about? I just cannot abide the absolute NERVE of some chick telling brides that they're wrong again about one more irrelevant detail that has nothing to do with them in the first place. Don't like diamonds? Take it up with DeBeers, don't dump your agenda on my effing lawn. You're not enlightened or a genius, you're a shit-disturber.
Heads high, brides! Diamond rings are pretty, and that's why I have one. Not because I NEEDED one, not as a resale investment (apparently people do this, wtf?!), and certainly not because I mistakenly believed that diamonds had some intrinsic worth that wasn't based on a marketing, supply/demand valuation system. We wanted one, we had the money, we bought one. My ring is pretty, and is a special gift from my future husband to me. I'm not sorry, and shame on anyone for trying to make me be.
If you actually hate diamonds, good for you. That's thousands of dollars you'll never have to spend. If you don't give a rat's ass about diamonds either way, you just hate spending money, also good for you. If you chose an alternate stone because you wanted to or liked the look better, awesome. Blue sapphire and birthstones are perfectly acceptable, beautiful choices. Wear them proudly. Let people think your white topaz is a diamond if you want to, it's nobody's business anyway. This post is not for you. This post is for all those girls out there shouting about how much better those other stones are even though deep down they don't mean it - because when you say something loudly, it's more true. Seriously. Try it out. Think of something completely ridiculous, and then say it REALLY LOUDLY. Almost convinced yourself, didn't you?
My last post was about other brides. One of my biggest pet other-bride peeves is the diamond debate. You would be shocked to know how many girls out there are marching into online forums and telling other girls that their diamonds are worthless. Well of course diamonds are worthless. So is everything. Nothing anywhere has any intrinsic value. Even your effing toaster is worthless until you want toast. Things become valuable because people will pay for them, and that value goes up the more people want something that only a few people can have. Your house is worthless, but you can put a price on it because someone out there is willing to pay you $350,000 so that they can have three comfortable bedrooms and an ensuite master bath in that area. If everyone thought your house was ugly, or didn't want to live next to your 400-pound thong-wearing, suntanning neighbour, your house wouldn't be worth shit. That's reality. "Worth" is based on other people, and other people want diamonds.
Then, naturally, these freedom-fighters point out the fact that the reason those other people want those diamonds is based on the genius marketing and reputation of diamonds - but isn't that kind of my point? Diamond brokers want money. The way to get money is to make something desirable. You desire a diamond, they get money. Life is simpler than you think. Many people may not realize this, and think that diamonds have some inherent worth, and I guess that's fine. Lots of people don't know how cars work either, but that doesn't stop them from driving (unfortunately). Others, like myself, are completely aware of the diamond "scam" and just plain don't give a shit.
It's just so frustrating. Wedding planning, the money, the time, the commitment, the stress. And people are going "Omg why don't you have a ring?!" or "zomg spring colours at your fall wedding?!" or "*gasp* why is your ring so small/big/boring/flashy/made of wood?!" and other people who should know how that feels are going to come online and tell me that my fiancé and I wasted our money getting a diamond just because it's not technically "worth" anything? Jealous, jaded little girls shouldn't be stomping around with their noses in the air pretending that they aren't upset that I got diamonds and they got CZ. As though brides need anything else to stress about? I just cannot abide the absolute NERVE of some chick telling brides that they're wrong again about one more irrelevant detail that has nothing to do with them in the first place. Don't like diamonds? Take it up with DeBeers, don't dump your agenda on my effing lawn. You're not enlightened or a genius, you're a shit-disturber.
Heads high, brides! Diamond rings are pretty, and that's why I have one. Not because I NEEDED one, not as a resale investment (apparently people do this, wtf?!), and certainly not because I mistakenly believed that diamonds had some intrinsic worth that wasn't based on a marketing, supply/demand valuation system. We wanted one, we had the money, we bought one. My ring is pretty, and is a special gift from my future husband to me. I'm not sorry, and shame on anyone for trying to make me be.
January 08, 2011
Save the Date!
I have never seen a save-the-date. I had never even HEARD of save-the-dates until I watched "Bride Wars" with my maid of honour a year or so ago and googled them. They're little cards that have a photo or something, and the date of your wedding. That's it. Just the date. No time or place or other important information, just the date. Nobody I know has ever used them, I have never received one, and unless you're planning a destination wedding that your guests will have to save up for, I can't imagine why anyone would need them.
Originally, though, once I got over my "wtf" shock (which happens far too often), I thought they were kind of cute. I considered having our engagement photos put on postcards, at least to send to our many out-of-town guests. Slowly, as I begin considering costs and necessities and priorities, I came around to the other side.
I hate save-the-dates. I really do. I think they're stupid, wasteful, and nothing irks me more than people spending money on "traditions" that they "need" to avoid the complete and total "ruination" of their wedding experience. Some of the reasons I hate save-the-dates are:
- They're unnecessary. I find it more than a little obscene that this kind of trend rose to "traditional" status so recently. Really. It boggles the mind that in the great internet age, where everyone and their grandmother's grandmother has a facebook and a personal mobile phone, additional stationery somehow became "necessary" wedding paraphernalia. Everybody knows your wedding date. It's on your facebook, you have a wedding website, an announcement in the paper, an engagement party, people are asking you, other people are talking to each other about it, your invitations will go out more than two months in advance of the wedding, and anyone who needs more notice has a phone, an email address, and access to all of the online resources where you've posted the information. How many avenues of notification is that? I've lost count. Don't tell me that it's realistic that anyone actually needs yet MORE notice and MORE paper to be sure that they'll put red pen to calendar. It's not.
- They're expensive. Stationery is not cheap. Wedding stationery is even less so. And there's so frigging much of it! The invitations alone have an outer envelope, inner envelope, directions insert, RSVP card insert, RSVP envelope and who knows what else on top of the invitation itself, and then postage for the outer and RSVP envelopes. Multiply by the average wedding's 120 guests and you're going to owe your stationer your firstborn child. Then, on top of that, you want to send each of these people MORE paper? More envelopes, more postage? It's ludicrous. Anyone who needs a save-the-date would be better off doing it online or a one-page mailout, because fortunately for them, save-the-dates can be as quirky and informal as you want them to be without offending the dreaded "wedding etiquette" police.
- They're tricky. I have heard horror story after horror story about brides having one reason or another to cancel their weddings or simply change their date, who have found themselves faced with the Great Wall of Already-Sent-My-Save-The-Dates. It's hard not to laugh at these poor women. You know they're freaking out (because even the smallest glitch in a wedding is the end of the effing world) and you feel bad, but you just can't help but grin behind your hand. It's hilarious. Because they spent all that money sending redundant notice to everyone they know, and now not only has that money been double-wasted, but more needs to be spent to correct the error. All issues that would never have existed if they had been satisfied with the two thousand other free methods they had of advising their guests about the date.
- They're binding. "Wedding etiquette" requires that anyone who is sent a save-the-date must also be sent an invitation. It's incredibly rude to send someone a card advertising the date of your wedding and then not asking them to actually be there. "Here's the date of my wedding, be sure to write it down on your calendar - because then you'll be sure of which day you won't be coming". Which I totally understand. Except that in their wedding-planning zeal, many brides send these things to everyone they know, coworkers, family friends, cousins eight times removed, the mailman... Then later, when uncle Charlie leaves his wife for some dude named Steve, or you realize that you can't actually afford to seat and feed the ridiculous number of people you sent save-the-dates to, you're not permitted to cross any of those people off the list. Which means you have to deal with the drama or monetary crisis no matter what. Why would anyone paint themselves into a corner like that so early on?
We will not be sending save-the-dates. We will be advising our out-of-town guests over the phone or by email, and sending their invitations with plenty of notice. That will be more than enough.
Originally, though, once I got over my "wtf" shock (which happens far too often), I thought they were kind of cute. I considered having our engagement photos put on postcards, at least to send to our many out-of-town guests. Slowly, as I begin considering costs and necessities and priorities, I came around to the other side.
I hate save-the-dates. I really do. I think they're stupid, wasteful, and nothing irks me more than people spending money on "traditions" that they "need" to avoid the complete and total "ruination" of their wedding experience. Some of the reasons I hate save-the-dates are:
- They're unnecessary. I find it more than a little obscene that this kind of trend rose to "traditional" status so recently. Really. It boggles the mind that in the great internet age, where everyone and their grandmother's grandmother has a facebook and a personal mobile phone, additional stationery somehow became "necessary" wedding paraphernalia. Everybody knows your wedding date. It's on your facebook, you have a wedding website, an announcement in the paper, an engagement party, people are asking you, other people are talking to each other about it, your invitations will go out more than two months in advance of the wedding, and anyone who needs more notice has a phone, an email address, and access to all of the online resources where you've posted the information. How many avenues of notification is that? I've lost count. Don't tell me that it's realistic that anyone actually needs yet MORE notice and MORE paper to be sure that they'll put red pen to calendar. It's not.
- They're expensive. Stationery is not cheap. Wedding stationery is even less so. And there's so frigging much of it! The invitations alone have an outer envelope, inner envelope, directions insert, RSVP card insert, RSVP envelope and who knows what else on top of the invitation itself, and then postage for the outer and RSVP envelopes. Multiply by the average wedding's 120 guests and you're going to owe your stationer your firstborn child. Then, on top of that, you want to send each of these people MORE paper? More envelopes, more postage? It's ludicrous. Anyone who needs a save-the-date would be better off doing it online or a one-page mailout, because fortunately for them, save-the-dates can be as quirky and informal as you want them to be without offending the dreaded "wedding etiquette" police.
- They're tricky. I have heard horror story after horror story about brides having one reason or another to cancel their weddings or simply change their date, who have found themselves faced with the Great Wall of Already-Sent-My-Save-The-Dates. It's hard not to laugh at these poor women. You know they're freaking out (because even the smallest glitch in a wedding is the end of the effing world) and you feel bad, but you just can't help but grin behind your hand. It's hilarious. Because they spent all that money sending redundant notice to everyone they know, and now not only has that money been double-wasted, but more needs to be spent to correct the error. All issues that would never have existed if they had been satisfied with the two thousand other free methods they had of advising their guests about the date.
- They're binding. "Wedding etiquette" requires that anyone who is sent a save-the-date must also be sent an invitation. It's incredibly rude to send someone a card advertising the date of your wedding and then not asking them to actually be there. "Here's the date of my wedding, be sure to write it down on your calendar - because then you'll be sure of which day you won't be coming". Which I totally understand. Except that in their wedding-planning zeal, many brides send these things to everyone they know, coworkers, family friends, cousins eight times removed, the mailman... Then later, when uncle Charlie leaves his wife for some dude named Steve, or you realize that you can't actually afford to seat and feed the ridiculous number of people you sent save-the-dates to, you're not permitted to cross any of those people off the list. Which means you have to deal with the drama or monetary crisis no matter what. Why would anyone paint themselves into a corner like that so early on?
We will not be sending save-the-dates. We will be advising our out-of-town guests over the phone or by email, and sending their invitations with plenty of notice. That will be more than enough.
January 06, 2011
Obstacle One: Other Brides
I'm sorry to say that my first nasty wedding-planning surprise was other brides. I'm not sure if it's the stress of planning their own weddings, or the crazy-pills every one of the bride's family members suddenly start taking the day she gets engaged that pushes them over the edge, or something else that I have yet to personally experience, but brides are fucking nuts.
Unless you want to count doing the flower-girl bit for my mother's friend when I was a kid, I have never been personally involved in a wedding. I have been TO many weddings, but never behind the scenes. This left me wide open for the shock of finding out that weddings make people crazy. Suddenly perfectly normal, reasonable women are sniping at each other over the size, cut and quality of each other's diamonds. Clueless girls who probably got their dishware at IKEA during college (like I did) are suddenly experts on china patterns and charger plates. The newly-engaged forget that their engaged is newly, and look down with pity on those still waiting.
I am on my third bridal forum. And that is after spying on several others without signing up. Believe it or not, the story (while overall pretty much the same) is dramatically different from board to board. The first one was elitist and boring. The next was catty and seriously difficult to navigate. The one I'm on now is a bit welcome-to-happy-funland-where-brides-are-made-of-marshmallows, but it's the one I've liked the best and feel most comfortable at, and so decided to call home in spite of its few grating deficiencies. But even here, where people who ask for honest, helpful opinions actually GET them (imagine that!) and people who need support are *hugged* and <3ed until they're sorry they asked, there are still those few that stir up trouble just because they can. Which is super fun for me, because I love to give a girl a party if she wants one, but that's besides the point. The point is, why are you such a bitch just because some dude wants to marry you? It's amazing. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm sure these people were perfectly normal before they got that ring. It's like DeBeers paints their merchandise with something that seeps into the skin and makes brides think that just because they're a bride and they're upset, they're right.
I'm at a loss in situations like these. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm the only sane bride on earth. Because you can't just say what you really think to these women without them cracking, or without their armada of like-minded crazies storming your beach. But I can't be the only one thinking it. Right? Please tell me I'm not.
There are also real-life other brides. The thing about getting married is, most people do it around the same time. The so-called "marriageable age". This "marriageable age" situation means that I am surrounded by other brides. A bunch of my friends are married, another bunch are engaged, and some are ravenously hunting, going to bar after bar, laughing really loudly at some guy's joke so that they can hear themselves over the ticking of their biological clocks. (Not really, I don't actually know any people like that last group, but that's how it is in movies). Real-life other brides are kind of a pain in the ass too - a friend of mine got engaged a few months after me, and after NOT congratulating me on my own engagement, she sent me a personal text message to advise me of hers in an obvious complement-fishing cast. It's all about the thunder, and brides care more about who's stealing theirs than anyone else.
A coworker friend of mine has been engaged for something like 50 years or whatever, and she's just now decided to get married, right around the same time as me. She is a breath of fresh air. She's also not one of those obnoxious people that only asks me about my wedding plans when she actually wants to talk about her own, which is freaking awesome. She's a sweetheart and I love her. But in spite of that, you just know that if she actually comes dress shopping with me like she offered, she'll be secretly comparing whatever I'm wearing to her own dress. "Omg her dress is so much more expensive than mine!" or "Ew, mermaid is sooo not my thing, mine is way prettier than that." She's (fortunately) not the type of girl to give me anything but an honest opinion, so I'll probably take her up on her offer, but I will still be worried about whether what I'm getting is making her feel worse about what she got. Or better - maybe she'll be even more excited about her own choice when she relives it in the salon with me. Or worse - maybe she'll go out and buy another dress to show me up. Who knows. Because once you put a ring on a girl, she's no longer who you thought she was. Predictability is the first thing to go.
I ask my fiancé for constant validation that I am not turning into an unrecognizable, raving lunatic. He assures me that I am the same raving lunatic that I always was. <3
Unless you want to count doing the flower-girl bit for my mother's friend when I was a kid, I have never been personally involved in a wedding. I have been TO many weddings, but never behind the scenes. This left me wide open for the shock of finding out that weddings make people crazy. Suddenly perfectly normal, reasonable women are sniping at each other over the size, cut and quality of each other's diamonds. Clueless girls who probably got their dishware at IKEA during college (like I did) are suddenly experts on china patterns and charger plates. The newly-engaged forget that their engaged is newly, and look down with pity on those still waiting.
I am on my third bridal forum. And that is after spying on several others without signing up. Believe it or not, the story (while overall pretty much the same) is dramatically different from board to board. The first one was elitist and boring. The next was catty and seriously difficult to navigate. The one I'm on now is a bit welcome-to-happy-funland-where-brides-are-made-of-marshmallows, but it's the one I've liked the best and feel most comfortable at, and so decided to call home in spite of its few grating deficiencies. But even here, where people who ask for honest, helpful opinions actually GET them (imagine that!) and people who need support are *hugged* and <3ed until they're sorry they asked, there are still those few that stir up trouble just because they can. Which is super fun for me, because I love to give a girl a party if she wants one, but that's besides the point. The point is, why are you such a bitch just because some dude wants to marry you? It's amazing. I've never seen anything like it. And I'm sure these people were perfectly normal before they got that ring. It's like DeBeers paints their merchandise with something that seeps into the skin and makes brides think that just because they're a bride and they're upset, they're right.
I'm at a loss in situations like these. Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm the only sane bride on earth. Because you can't just say what you really think to these women without them cracking, or without their armada of like-minded crazies storming your beach. But I can't be the only one thinking it. Right? Please tell me I'm not.
There are also real-life other brides. The thing about getting married is, most people do it around the same time. The so-called "marriageable age". This "marriageable age" situation means that I am surrounded by other brides. A bunch of my friends are married, another bunch are engaged, and some are ravenously hunting, going to bar after bar, laughing really loudly at some guy's joke so that they can hear themselves over the ticking of their biological clocks. (Not really, I don't actually know any people like that last group, but that's how it is in movies). Real-life other brides are kind of a pain in the ass too - a friend of mine got engaged a few months after me, and after NOT congratulating me on my own engagement, she sent me a personal text message to advise me of hers in an obvious complement-fishing cast. It's all about the thunder, and brides care more about who's stealing theirs than anyone else.
A coworker friend of mine has been engaged for something like 50 years or whatever, and she's just now decided to get married, right around the same time as me. She is a breath of fresh air. She's also not one of those obnoxious people that only asks me about my wedding plans when she actually wants to talk about her own, which is freaking awesome. She's a sweetheart and I love her. But in spite of that, you just know that if she actually comes dress shopping with me like she offered, she'll be secretly comparing whatever I'm wearing to her own dress. "Omg her dress is so much more expensive than mine!" or "Ew, mermaid is sooo not my thing, mine is way prettier than that." She's (fortunately) not the type of girl to give me anything but an honest opinion, so I'll probably take her up on her offer, but I will still be worried about whether what I'm getting is making her feel worse about what she got. Or better - maybe she'll be even more excited about her own choice when she relives it in the salon with me. Or worse - maybe she'll go out and buy another dress to show me up. Who knows. Because once you put a ring on a girl, she's no longer who you thought she was. Predictability is the first thing to go.
I ask my fiancé for constant validation that I am not turning into an unrecognizable, raving lunatic. He assures me that I am the same raving lunatic that I always was. <3
January 05, 2011
Step Three: The Wedding Planner
While I was waiting for the hundred "PLEASE HELP" emails I sent to my preferred wedding planner to do their thing, I tried to do as much by myself as I could. Unfortunately, my "bride's helper" wedding planner book weighs approximately one ton, and has checklist after checklist full of wedding "must haves" I've never even heard of. I was completely and totally overwhelmed. Even with a detailed list of what do to and when to do it, I had no idea where to start. First: find a venue. Sure. No problem... but HOW?!
So many brides are all over this. They revel. They get to make every decision, they get to be the center of attention, they get to tell people what to wear and where to stand. Grand entrance and fancy dress, everything just the way she wants it, because without all this junk, her wedding day will be RUINED. And nobody wants that. So somebody pays for it (or she eats PB & J for a year to pay for it herself) - often just to make her happy (read: shut up about it). We'll call this type "the Princess bride".
Other brides want all these things, but understand the value of a dollar. This type of bride is called "the DIY bride". This type of bride wants to have the amazing wedding, but either doesn't want to or can't pay for it. Her solution is to Do It Herself. She can get her flowers at the grocery store and arrange them. She can bake a cake. She can print her invitations off her home computer and hand-address each and every one. She can and will personally tie each little "Thank you for sharing our special day" tag onto all one-hundred-and-forty wedding favours. She will hang the ribbons and set the tables, and damn it she will HAVE her fabulous wedding if it kills her (and everybody she's strong-armed into helping her).
Then there is what we know as "the Offbeat bride". She does not want the grandiose wedding, she is not interested in spending a lot of money. She will wear a second-hand, vintage gown and serve a barbeque to her guests. She will wear an adorable little hat with her wedding dress and play that funky music at her reception. She will come up with some of the cleverest, uniquest ideas that will make you and I embarrassed for our traditionalism, and she will laugh instead of cry when someone drops their cheeseburger on her dress.
I am none of these brides. I do not have jillions of dollars in my bank account, or generous parents, or scads of credit I'm willing to piss away on one freaking party. I also am not a baker, or a flower-arranger, or a calligrapher, and would not be these things even if I had the time, energy or desire to try. I am not particularly creative or quirky, unless I masterfully and shamelessly copy someone who is. I do want to wear a dramatically gorgeous gown, but I do not want to ride an elephant into my reception. However, I would rather have a set of whimsical cupcakes than the traditional cake. I want rock and roll instead of classical, but I want a traditional floral bouquet instead of one made of brooches. I want a mix of everything. The type of bride I am HAS no name, and I've been unable to definitively identify others of my kind. Most importantly, what I am is NOT a wedding planner. Which is why I will be hiring someone else to deal with all this stuff that I am secure enough to admit is completely and hopelessly over my head.
I'm not sure if people actually realize how affordable a wedding planner can actually be, depending on your budget and the style of wedding you want them to produce. I know I was pretty shocked at the package prices I found. I wonder this because I have caught peripheral glimpses of people rolling their eyes at me saying "my wedding planner" and because I have had to defend my reasons for wanting one ("Can't you just do it yourself?"). It's mind-boggling that people are so snobbish about what essentially boils down to calling me a snob. I'm not a detached socialite who hired a wedding planner to just deal with it for me. What I am is useless and overwhelmed, and there are people out there who can be paid to compensate for my gross ineffectuality. I'm not ashamed, I'm relieved - which frees me up to be excited about my wedding. What a deal!
So many brides are all over this. They revel. They get to make every decision, they get to be the center of attention, they get to tell people what to wear and where to stand. Grand entrance and fancy dress, everything just the way she wants it, because without all this junk, her wedding day will be RUINED. And nobody wants that. So somebody pays for it (or she eats PB & J for a year to pay for it herself) - often just to make her happy (read: shut up about it). We'll call this type "the Princess bride".
Other brides want all these things, but understand the value of a dollar. This type of bride is called "the DIY bride". This type of bride wants to have the amazing wedding, but either doesn't want to or can't pay for it. Her solution is to Do It Herself. She can get her flowers at the grocery store and arrange them. She can bake a cake. She can print her invitations off her home computer and hand-address each and every one. She can and will personally tie each little "Thank you for sharing our special day" tag onto all one-hundred-and-forty wedding favours. She will hang the ribbons and set the tables, and damn it she will HAVE her fabulous wedding if it kills her (and everybody she's strong-armed into helping her).
Then there is what we know as "the Offbeat bride". She does not want the grandiose wedding, she is not interested in spending a lot of money. She will wear a second-hand, vintage gown and serve a barbeque to her guests. She will wear an adorable little hat with her wedding dress and play that funky music at her reception. She will come up with some of the cleverest, uniquest ideas that will make you and I embarrassed for our traditionalism, and she will laugh instead of cry when someone drops their cheeseburger on her dress.
I am none of these brides. I do not have jillions of dollars in my bank account, or generous parents, or scads of credit I'm willing to piss away on one freaking party. I also am not a baker, or a flower-arranger, or a calligrapher, and would not be these things even if I had the time, energy or desire to try. I am not particularly creative or quirky, unless I masterfully and shamelessly copy someone who is. I do want to wear a dramatically gorgeous gown, but I do not want to ride an elephant into my reception. However, I would rather have a set of whimsical cupcakes than the traditional cake. I want rock and roll instead of classical, but I want a traditional floral bouquet instead of one made of brooches. I want a mix of everything. The type of bride I am HAS no name, and I've been unable to definitively identify others of my kind. Most importantly, what I am is NOT a wedding planner. Which is why I will be hiring someone else to deal with all this stuff that I am secure enough to admit is completely and hopelessly over my head.
I'm not sure if people actually realize how affordable a wedding planner can actually be, depending on your budget and the style of wedding you want them to produce. I know I was pretty shocked at the package prices I found. I wonder this because I have caught peripheral glimpses of people rolling their eyes at me saying "my wedding planner" and because I have had to defend my reasons for wanting one ("Can't you just do it yourself?"). It's mind-boggling that people are so snobbish about what essentially boils down to calling me a snob. I'm not a detached socialite who hired a wedding planner to just deal with it for me. What I am is useless and overwhelmed, and there are people out there who can be paid to compensate for my gross ineffectuality. I'm not ashamed, I'm relieved - which frees me up to be excited about my wedding. What a deal!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)